Whenever we think we have to do something, it is a grievance. We are at war with what is…
A few weeks ago I was in the yard surrounded by trees. The thing about trees is that as they grow they shed branches like we shed hair. We brush our hair and hair falls out. In the forest, during a storm, the wind and rain brush the trees and sticks fall out.
After a really big storm the trees had shed sticks everywhere! I picked up smaller ones and burned them in my fire circle. But some were too big to fit and too sturdy to break. I needed a saw.
Now, I do have a saw – a lightweight battery- powered reciprocating saw made by Ryobi which, if you know anything about cutting wood, is not really the best choice. A chain saw would be better, but I don’t want a chain saw. Too much firepower. Instead, I found myself dreaming of getting a “Hackzall” – the little brother to the “Sawzall.”
Made by Milwaukee, these are the T-Rex of reciprocating saws. They can pretty much cut through anything. The Hackzall has 4.9 out of five stars on Amazon. As one reviewer put it:
“You can choose literally ANYTHING in your house, and (with the correct blade and patience) you can cut it in half with this tool. Just buy it. I can cut this, or that, or cut that over there. Those who came before you could only fantasize of such power, and all you have to do is click click. What a time to be alive.”
Indeed! What a time to be alive! And as I was standing at my fire circle, looking at the branches that were too big to break and fantasizing about cutting through them like butter with a Hackzall, my phone alarm rang. It was time to call my ACIM Lesson Buddy and do the lesson for the day together.
It so happened that the lesson that day was 68: “Love holds no grievances.” My partner and I read the lesson together and then agreed to do the shorter exercise in silence for two minutes. So I set my phone alarm for two minutes and sank down into my thoughts determined to give up grievances to whomever came to mind.
But all I could think about was buying a Hackzall. I even wondered if I could pull it up on Amazon and check it out before the two minute timer ran out!
I knew it was ridiculous that my mind wanted to use the two measly minutes set aside for spiritual introspection for the egoic, materialistic pursuit of a Hackzall. And that’s when it hit me.
I WAS doing the lesson!
In that moment I realized that my desire to cut up the branches was a desire to clean up debris, to make things look neat and tidy, to look like a person who IS neat and tidy and who keeps her house in the woods neat and tidy, and that it was ALL a grievance – a grievance against what is. A grievance against the branches that they are laying there “out of place”; a grievance against myself that I “need” to do something about the branches.
If Love holds no grievances, it means that Love lets everything be as it is.
I’d like to say that the happy ending to this was my absolute realization that I didn’t need to cut up the branches. They are, after all, lying on the forest floor, where they are supposed to be. And that the realization came to me that I didn’t need to spend $249 on – not just the Hackzall – but the complete Hackzall Kit with the Hackzall, battery, charger, extra wood-cutting blade and really cool contractor bag. Yeah, I’d like to say that, but…
..that’s not what happened.
I had to have it.
I bought it.
My own little piece of cherished purgatory.
An altar to the ego’s obsession with the material world.
Yet, all is not lost. Whenever I look at it, it’s a reminder that I really need do nothing and that I really am just rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic, and the branches really can stay where they are. But if I do whip out my Hackzall from the really cool contractor bag and cut something up, that’s ok, too. I can throw branches back into the forest or cut a few up and laugh at all of it and not take any of it seriously.
There’s a lesson in that.