I didn’t see this coming.
My 96 year old mom has always been a giver in service to others. Now that she can no longer do for others because of dementia, it’s time for her to receive, right? Guess again. And as you read, think about this: the personality traits you have now WILL be magnified to their ridiculous end should dementia come your way.
Mom is first generation Italian and her parents, like a lot of immigrants, felt they needed to prove themselves. Mom become a perfectionist and, truthfully, fairly controlling. Don’t get me wrong, her combination of skills, gifts, and drive to be perfect made her incredibly successful. But it also made her something else. Now when things happen that she doesn’t understand and can’t control, instead of graciously receiving the help she needs, she fights. Yes, my tiny, 94-pound mom is a fighter, with a grip like an iron vise. And, I hate to admit it, but she also tries to bite me. Didn’t see that coming.
Deep within my mom is some sort of ingrained fear of not being in control. And, as a result, she doesn’t know how to receive. Hope I’m not like that. Hope you aren’t either. How ironic that she is now in a situation where giving up control is the key to her happiness.
ACIM uses colorful language to motivate us to stop trying to be in control, such as telling us our ego “… shrieks in wrath and claws the air in frantic hope it can reach to its maker and devour him.” (OrEd.WkBk.161.8)
But nothing may be more motivating than visiting some folks with dementia and thinking about who we will be if we don’t learn now how to give up control and graciously receive.